🧰 How to Teach Coping Skills to Kids (With an Imaginary Toolbox Approach)
Building imaginary toolboxes and lifelong emotional strength
Here’s something I didn’t always know:
You can’t teach kids about coping until you’ve learned how you cope, too.
Before I started learning to become what the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence calls an emotion scientist (read more about that here), I couldn’t have told you my own coping skills. I might’ve said “watching a show” or “taking a nap,” but I didn’t really know what helped me feel better (not just distracted or numb).
It’s taken years of reflection and self-awareness, but I can happily report that my coping tools include:
🎧 Listening to music
🚶♀️ Going for a walk
🐾 Petting my dog
🥕 Eating a healthy snack
Not to escape, but to regulate. To come back to myself.
And that’s exactly what I help kids learn, too.
🌿 Feelings First, Tools Second
As a school counselor, part of my job is helping children understand their emotions (not avoid them).
We talk a lot about how there are no “good” or “bad” feelings.
Some are just more comfortable than others.
Anger, frustration, sadness, worry, those are our body’s way of saying,
“Hey… something’s not right.”
That feeling isn’t a failure. It’s a signal.
And once we learn to notice it, we can choose what to do next.
🧠 The Power of the Pause
As caregivers, our real magic lives in the space between stimulus and response.
That little pause where we model regulation instead of reactivity.
I teach kids to find their own version of that pause.
To notice when their heart beats faster.
When their stomach feels wiggly.
When their hands get hot.
Then I ask:
“What could help you feel a little better right now?”
That’s where the imaginary toolbox comes in.
🧰 How to Build a Coping Toolbox with Kids
1. Start in calm, connected moments.
Coping skills are best explored when emotions aren’t running high.
Pick a time when your child feels safe, rested, and open… maybe after breakfast, during playtime, or at bedtime.
2. Introduce the “toolbox” idea.
Say something like:
“Everyone has big feelings sometimes. When that happens, it helps to have tools or things that make us feel a little better. Let’s make your very own imaginary toolbox.”
3. Ask: What helps you feel better?
Guide them with gentle prompts like:
What do you like to do when you feel sad?
What helps you calm down when you're mad?
What makes you feel cozy or safe?
4. Write or draw the tools.
Use index cards, small drawings, or printable visuals.
Let them pick or create their favorites. Some common ones:
🧘 Taking deep breaths
💧 Getting a drink of water
🎤 Telling a joke
🧸 Hugging a favorite stuffy
🗣️ Talking to a trusted adult
🌿 Getting fresh air
5. Keep it visible and personal.
Tape it to their wall, tuck it in a calm corner, or keep it in a binder.
This visual reminder helps them remember their tools when they need them most.
6. Practice using it in real life.
When your child has a tough moment, gently guide them back:
“This feels like a toolbox moment. Want to try one of your tools?”
The more you do this together, the more they’ll start noticing those moments on their own.
🌱 Want a Pre-Made Version?
I created a visual Imaginary Toolbox Kit here that I use with students. It includes the printable toolbox and tool icons to help bring the concept to life.
You can find it in my TpT store, ready to print at home or school.
But the real heart of this work?
It happens in the conversations. The noticing. The slowing down together.
🌿 Gentle Invitation
What’s in your toolbox?
Take a moment to reflect.
The more you recognize and name your own tools, the more naturally you’ll help a child find theirs.
You don’t need to be perfect. You just need to be present.
📖 Keep it simple. Keep it kind. Keep walking them through the rain.
🌿 In the rain, we root. In the wild, we grow.
We build toolboxes when things are calm, so we can reach for them when they’re not.
This visual toolbox helps them see the choices they have when feelings get big.
