🌧️ All Feelings Are Good Feelings

Helping kids (and ourselves) understand the messages behind emotions

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about emotions and kids.

How quickly we label things: good or bad, too much or not enough. But the truth is, there are no “bad” feelings.
Every emotion is part of being human. Some are just easier to sit with than others.

Happiness is welcome. So is excitement or joy.
But sadness? Frustration? Embarrassment?
Those are the uncomfortable ones… the ones that take more courage to hold.

But here’s the truth I keep coming back to:
Your feelings aren’t mistakes, they’re signals from your body.
Even the uncomfortable ones are trying to guide you.

🔍 Becoming Emotion Scientists

At our school, we use a research-based program called RULER, developed by the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence. It’s built on a simple, powerful truth: Emotions matter.

To raise emotionally intelligent, grounded kids, we need to become what they call emotion scientists. Curious, compassionate observers of our own inner world and emotions.

Here’s what that looks like in practice:

• R – Recognize Emotions
  What are you feeling? How does your body tell you? (Clenched jaw? Wiggly feet? Quick breathing?)

• U – Understand Emotions
  Why do you feel this way? What happened?

• L – Label Emotions
  Name it to tame it. Whether it’s nervous, excited, lonely, or proud… give it a word.

• E – Express Emotions
  Say how you feel in a calm, respectful way. Even uncomfortable emotions deserve a voice.

• R – Regulate Emotions
  Choose a tool to feel better or stay balanced. This might be deep breaths, asking for help, or moving your body.

🌲 Emotions Are Clues

Uncomfortable feelings such as anger, fear, or sadness are not problems. They’re clues.

They let us know that something isn’t sitting right.
Maybe a boundary was crossed.
Maybe something important feels missing.
Maybe we’re overwhelmed, under-rested, hungry, or need a moment to breathe.

Sitting with an uncomfortable feeling takes bravery. It takes trust.
While we shouldn’t shove emotions away, we also can’t live in that one emotion forever.

Eventually, we use the message to make a change or problem-solve.
To ask for what we need. To care for ourselves kindly.

🧠 A Parent’s Superpower: Co-Regulation

Before we teach this to kids, we have to learn it ourselves.
In fact, our school trains staff on these tools for a full year before introducing it to students.

Why? Because emotional learning starts with the adults.
Kids don’t just hear what we say. They feel what we model.

So if you’re reading this—learning to understand your emotions, noticing your reactions, and learning to stay present with your own discomfort… I want you to know: That is powerful work.

And it’s shaping the way your child grows.
Not perfectly, but gently. With roots.

🌱 Gentle Takeaway

The next time a big feeling shows up (whether in your child or in yourself) pause.

Ask, What might this feeling be trying to tell me?

You don’t have to fix it. You don’t have to fear it. Just notice it. Name it. And remember, you’re not alone in learning how to sit with it.

Because in the end, all feelings are part of the human experience.
Even the messy ones. Especially the uncomfortable ones.

📖 Keep noticing. Keep naming. Keep showing up with softness for yourself and your kids.

🌿 In the rain, we root. In the wild, we grow.